Depression, not Eating, not getting enough water, stress, not sleeping well, not getting your baby to your breast….these were all factors that contribute to a drop in your milk supply. All factors that I dealt with while my baby was in NICU. I was suffering from postpartum depression and PTSD. I was afraid to eat because I didn’t want t o miss anytime with my baby while I was there, same with drinking water..using the bathroom meant I had to give my baby back to the nurses and have her put back in her incubator and I dreaded it every time it happened. I rarely slept because I spent all night crying. Set up for failure.I never counted on the fact that all the breast milk I had stocked up would run out…the milk I was producing was not enough for the increase in my babies need. I will never forget the first time the nurse told me they had to give her formula. My heart dropped. I had been pumping like crazy, meeting with lactation consultants, buying supplements to help..but without the ability to get out this funk I was in…nothing was happening. Nothing. Talk about embarrassed.
On April 26,2018 my baby was released to come home. One of the best days of my life..a weight was lifted off me and I knew that my milk supply would return and we would be ok. But my baby was used to the bottle..she hated coming to breast! After meetings upon meetings with the lactation consultant we decide supplementing would be best. From here on out I would pump but whatever I couldn’t produce I would give DemiRose in formula. Not what I imagined, but we are both much happier. My baby is fed and still receiving my nutrients. I am able to still feel like superwoman. Many people have tons of opinions and the new science of what I should do to produce more milk but DemiRose and I are happy and she has tripled her birth weight. That’s all I could ask for. I wish I could go back and change my pregnancy so that I could have put her on breast immediately but that is not the hand we were dealt. More so than concentrating on breastfeeding I needed to get my mental health together. I wish I could describe the feeling that was on me during those 49 days in NICU but I never want to feel those ever again. I know this is a breastfeeding blog but taking care of us moms is so important. I believe the single reason that my milk supply did not continue to improve is because I was not taking care of myself. How could I with my baby laying in the hospital…taking care of myself was selfish. However, DemiRose will only thrive if mommy thrives and right not mommy thrives pumping what she can and feeling good about it.
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